Today, you get a two for one, and both will drop your panties, if you’re even wearing them. The recipes will follow.
When I was a bartender at T.G.I. Chotchki’s, I made a drink called a Panty Dropper. In essence, it’s a raspberry lemon drop. I got more ladies buzzed on that shot than I can remember, and I believe my lovely wife was one of them. Every time I made one, ladies would order a few right after it, not thinking that they were potent because they tasted like a raspberry lemonade. After about three of them, they realized the error of their ways and the levity around the bar began. If you ever want a solid night’s entertainment, bartend at a hopping place and watch the dynamics after people grease their necks a bit. Wedding rings disappear, vows are made, promotions are given, politics are discussed, crushes get revealed, bets are made, and, you guessed it, panties drop, the most impetuous instance, I would guess, being in the parking structure behind the restaurant. The human condition is rarely quite as transparent than at any good bar.
That being said, now that I don my husband/ father/ teacher/ grown-up hat in the world these days, such libidinous revelry isn’t had. But, I still have found an appetizer that might get panties to drop considering that, every time I’ve made it, I hear sighing, moaning, and disbelief issuing from the females enjoying it. No joke. I hear that barely audible behind-the-bedroom-door-only “oh my god,” and I know I’ve nailed it. Chicks dig the Panty-Dropping Bruschetta, and I think I know why.
This has everything for which ladies long in terms of ingredients, and the portions are small and light. Guys, if you’re reading this, this appetizer is what the ladies order when they go out for a “girls’ night” and talk about feelings, chardonnay, Macy’s, Downton Abbey, candles, and sex (they ARE more lascivious than we are, I have learned through the years). When we go out with them, they’ll eat the jalapeno poppers and wings to nurture our egos, but those are not their first choices. If poppers and wings equal the hardcore porn mostly consumed by men, then this Panty-Dropping Bruschetta is a romance novel with Channing Tatum modeling for the cover while mending his lover’s blouse. Make it and you will see.
So without further ado…
Makes enough for about 6 to 8 people, I would think
2 French baguettes, sliced on an angle into 1/2″ thick slices
1 large log or 2 small logs of plain chevre, better known as goat cheese
8 Roma tomatoes, sliced about 1/2″ thick
Salt and Pepper
good olive oil (it matters in this recipe because it’s part of the overall flavor)
good balsamic vinegar (same thing with this stuff)
fresh basil, cut into a chiffonade (Roll the basil leaves together tightly and slice the basil log thinly. This will make thin wispies of it.)
Preheat the oven to 425°. Arrange the baguette slices on some baking sheets in an even layer. Take a little bowl of the olive oil and brush each slice daintily with the oil, just to kiss it and not to drown it. Put them in the oven for about 5 plus minutes, until the edges are a bit brown, but be careful not to burn them. They just need to get a bit crisp. You might have to bake these in batches, by the way.
Once the bread (crostini, if you will) is done, smear each slice with about 1 to 2 teaspoons of goat cheese. You know, a good schmear. Top this with a tomato slice. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on the tomato itself. Try one to see if you have the right amount of salt and pepper.
Take a few wisps of the basil and drape it over the tomato. Drizzle this with more olive oil and some balsamic vinegar (again, use restraint…you just want to tickle them with the flavors and balsamic can take over quickly).
Bob’s your Uncle. After I get one down the way I like it, I set up an assembly line and it goes much more quickly. Arrange them sexily on a platter and prepare for the ensuing licentious sound effects.
The Panty Dropper a la Jonny Precious
(I know there are lots of versions of this drink. This is just my version, but it’s still the best one.)
1 1/2 oz Stoli Orang
1/2 oz. Triple Sex, oops, I mean Triple Sec
1/2 oz. Chambord or a comparable raspberry liqueur
the juice from 1/2 a lemon
Chill a martini glass and then coat the rim in sugar.
Squeeze the lemon into a mixing tin and then add all of the liquor. Add in a good scoop o’ ice, top the mixing tin with a glass or topper, and shake the hell out of it. The idea is to get the ice to chip off into the drink, so when you pour it, the surface will have ice crystals on it.
Strain it into the martini glass and, again, watch what happens with the ladies.
Until later, eat, drink, and peace out.
©Jon Marino 2013