The Shame

11 Nov

Today was a date day.  We got grandma to watch the kiddo for five hours. We had a picnic overlooking the Nipomo Mesa on a clear, brusque day at Laetitia winery, 15 minutes up the road from us.

Some Trader Joe’s Eggplant Hummus with flatbread, goat cheese brie, the Trader Joe’s Napa Chicken Salad, crackers, a baguette, some Laetitia sparkling wine for the wife, and a Laetitia pinot noir for me…life is good.  This is why we moved to the central coast from Orange County: not a fake tit or humvee in sight.

But this was from 1:30 pm to about 4:00 pm.  After the winery, we went to the bowling alley bar (Rancho Bowl ’tis called in Santa Maria) and proceeded to drink a few Pabst Blue Ribbons on tap poured by Tommy, a 75 year old curmudgeon who knows everything about everything.  We love this place for obvious reasons.

By the time we left for home, ’twas around 6:00 pm.  The kid got dropped off by grandma, and bathtime was slated.  But because of our oddball picnic, I got hungry.  Of course, I could’ve made a sandwich or something, but when I opened the lunchmeat drawer, it beckoned me: a half chub o’ Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage waiting to be used.  Oh, the shame of even thinking about it…

So I constructed something called Eggs Zebediah, the name intending purely to ackowledge our sausage eating and inbreeding forefathers.


a chub of sausage, made into patties

a Thomas’s Bagel Thin, toasted

two eggs, fried (I use cooking spray for this, thus giving myself some dignity)

a swirl of sriracha, or whatever sauce tickles your taint

Makin’ It:

Cook the sausage patties.

Fry the eggs.

Toast the bagel thin.

Split the bagel thin and place the sausage patties on each bagel half. Place one egg on each sausage-topped bagel half. Circle some sauce on each egg.  I ate it with a fork and knife and it was absolutely indulgent, especially when the yolk broke and I got to wipe it all up with a forkful of bagel, sausage, and egg.

Should I start a “stoner food” category?  Perhaps…

But, oh, how I feel the shame…

Until later, eat, drink, and peace out.


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